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You are offering an intimate part of your body — your mouth, your breath, your voice. Expert head queens are to be revered. These are people who truly, unabashedly love sucking dick. The rest of us regular people have to learn, and the only way to learn is to practice. And practice. On your knees! These are tips and pointers that anyone of any gender can appreciate — 24 tips for giving amazing head. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly.
I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.
Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality. For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments. Hungry for more? Photo by Jon Dean. Go slow. Draw it out. I love kissing and touching.
This can be the most intimate part of sex. Drawing out those early touches, those first stray hands, builds excitement and anticipation and confidence. Most everywhere men have insecurities about their penises — especially since we live in a world that fetishes and glorifies big ones, bigger than most men have. Also, most guys over a certain age struggle to stay very hard, and must of us take a while getting there. In my experience, the longer I draw out the preamble, the less pressure I feel to perform in the moment.
I tell everyone to maximize foreplay. Various bodily conditions render some unable to.
Maximize it. Start by touching him. I love rubbing shoulders, rubbing legs, easing his body into mine, and helping him relax — all well before my hands move to his crotch area. It is an old truth that the best head-givers are ones who move on a mission. You want it. His pleasure starts with me — I have to be having a good time in order for him to have a good time. Touch him everywhere except his intimate areas. Massage his dick through his pants for a little bit — gently so as not to cause any discomfort.
Make a show of pulling his dick out. Look at his dick first before you dive. Kiss it. Study it. A classic trick. The frenulum is the underside of the penis head, which for many men is the most sensitive part of the penis. I generally always start by kissing the tip of the penis — the head — then moving down to the underside with the tip of my tongue. This helps me get an idea of its size and texture and smell — the hottest part for me — and gives me time to build up some saliva. Flick it back and forth, up and down, slowly creeping your lips up over his head, then backing off.
The heat from your mouth and your breath will make him throb with anticipation — practically begging you to slide it in your mouth.
Talking becomes irrelevant and clumsy — animal sounds, groans and roars, take over. Keep talking to a minimum. His dick will tell you what feels good. The same is true for oral sex. One talking exception is when he wants to be dominant — see All sex is for your pleasure — even submissive sex in which someone takes over. Good sex is about doing what feels good for you, and for some people that means surrendering control. This is your chance to intimately enjoy his dick. In your mouth, you can feel every vein, texture, throb — all of it. So relish in the experience of it, and only go for as long as you want.
A good blow job is as much about getting what you want as it is for him.
Your mouth will dry out. A nice person will add his saliva and contribute to the store of spit you have at your disposal — either by spitting in your mouth or spitting on his dick — but these appreciated moves are not guaranteed. For this reason, you cannot stay on his dick the whole time.
Take frequent breaks. Rub it on your face, lick or suck his balls one of my favorite things to dochange positions, or let him take over. This gives you a chance to build up some saliva and breathe a little bit before starting again. Many people see oral sex this way — as a cursory, prescribed action that generates an equal return, usually some kind of penetration.
The size of his dick and the size of your mouth will determine how much you can do — a larger dick will make you less able to maneuver your tongue around it. Licking his head, shaft, balls, and taint — the space of skin between his hole and testicles — can be just as intense. Practice sucking in air. Doing this pulls your cheeks against your teeth and tightens the space inside your mouth, creating a kind of vacuum suction that feels really great.
Obviously you cannot hold your breath for a nonstop inhale. Practice breathing while his dick is in your mouth and slowly get comfortable doing so. As things start to go into our throat, most people have a gag reflex that makes us close up our throat. This is how we choke. Start gentle and practice breathing with his dick inside your mouth. As it moves to the back of your mouth, try to keep breathing normally. Deep-throating — sliding a cock past the larynx into the throat — should not be seen as the maximum ideal of oral sex or a goal you must move toward.
Not everyone can deep-throat, and not everyone should. Most are filled with some kind of topical anesthetic that numbs the skin at the back of the throat for a few minutes, allowing you to deep-throat. Pain is often a of injury or skin trauma. Not true. Stroke the base of his dick while licking and sucking the tip. Try simply playing with his dick for a bit with a hand job. I love playing with balls. Instead, I focus on my own pleasure, my own mouth, and how this feels for me.
Letting go and letting my body and my mouth simply explore him will create better sex. It will lead me through every step. Trusting my own sensation may mean that I at some point stop sucking and migrate to a rim job, or I may want to focus on his balls for a while. The focus is pleasure — yours — and not the specific sex act. The skin of the penis is very thin and delicate and extremely sensitive. Hard objects like teeth hurt easily. Sorry, sixty-nine fans. Be practical. Sixty-nining when you both are sucking each other looks hot in porn, but in reality it is very uncomfortable and very difficult to do.
Sometimes even being on your knees is hard. When in doubt, let him lie on the bed, ideally with his Looking for a cute guy to give me head and shoulders propped up on a pillow, and take over. Lie on the bed between his legs, take his dick in your hand, and start playing with it. So many men struggle with this. All men have body issues and body insecurity — we just live in a cruel culture with few venues that allow us to talk about it.
And a big part of that is the way we feel about our penises and our sexual performance. There are intimate, powerful experiences that never involve orgasm — and never need to. Men, you are sexy and desirable just as you are with all the features that make you human. Ideally without words. Moans, groans, grunts, and gasps are the language of sex and desire. In power exchange, the one getting sucked has the position of power.
The one giving head has the submissive role. Milking is the practice of making a man orgasm via prostate stimulation — massaging the prostate, located a few inches inside the anus, until he blows a load. A good milking session definitely involves some determined sucking. All Rights Reserved. A word of warning from Alex Cheves. Take your time. Go slow, and let the moment evolve naturally without an end goal in sight. Foreplay is really, really awesome. Get into blowjob hepace ahead of time. Start with your clothes on.
Flick the frenulum. Pay attention to how his dick behaves. Remember: Blowjobs are for your pleasure above all else.Looking for a cute guy to give me head
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