Outgoing open minded lady of the Louisville wanted

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Posted June 21, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. There are people who like being alone, maybe even love it. What do you think they are like? Does your mind immediately leap to the misanthrope or the dreaded loner hiding away somewhere, plotting his next murder? True loners are people who embrace their alone time. Those who lash out are typically alone against their will. They want to be included.

They want to be loved by the objects of their desire. That exclusion and rejection among other things fuel their hostility and rage. Thanks to some newly developed scales for measuring attitudes toward being alone, we now have research-based answers. First, though, we need to understand what it means to like being alone. A second use of the word "alone" refers to people who are single.

One group consisted of people recruited online, with an average age of Only 33 were married; were single and not datingand the others were dating. The other group was comprised of Canadian undergraduates, with an average age of Only two were married, were single and not dating, and the others were dating.

were averaged across both groups. The first study included participants average age: 35and the were averaged across the men and the women. The second study included heterosexual couples average age: were reported separately for the men and the women. If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true: People who like spending time alone, and who are unafraid of being single, are especially unlikely to be neurotic.

They are not the tense, moody, worrying types. People who like spending time alone, and people who are unafraid of being single, are also more likely than others to be open-minded.

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People who are unafraid of being single are more agreeable than people who are afraid of being single. And people who are unafraid of being single are also more conscientious than those who are afraid. The were not consistent for people who like spending time alone.

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The question I am asked most often about the personality of people who are single is whether they are more introverted. The one relevant study suggests that they probably are. But research on single people typically includes all single people, whether they want to be single or not.

People who are unafraid of being single were more extraverted than those who are afraid of being single. Perhaps this finding is consistent with research showing that single people, on average, have more friends than married people do, and do more to maintain relationships with friends, neighbors, siblings, and parents.

But again, the research on the social ties of single people includes all single people, not just those who are unafraid of being single. People who like spending time alone were not any more or less extraverted than those who do not, but they did score as less sociable. Those two scales extraversion and sociability measure similar things so it is odd that they did not produce consistent findings.

All the other personality characteristics were measured only in the studies of people who are unafraid of being single — and the were resoundingly affirming.

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When they are in romantic relationshipstheir own self-esteem does not depend on how those relationships are faring. They do not have a particularly strong need to belong. And they are less likely to be lonely or to be depressed. Put all that together with their opennessagreeablenessconscientiousnessextraversion, and low levels of neuroticismand people who are unafraid of being single look totally badass.

People who are unafraid of being single are not just talking a good game. Other studies have looked at their behaviors and those are affirming, too.

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People who are unafraid of being single have standards. For example, in speed dating events, they give their contact information to fewer people. And when they do get into a romantic relationship and find it unsatisfying, they are more likely to break it off than people who are afraid of being single. Despite all that is good and affirming about people who are unafraid of being single, they cannot expect to be celebrated or even respected by other people. People who like being single, or choose to be single, are threatening cherished worldviews about what people should want and how they should feel.

Other people evaluate them more harshly than single people who wish they were coupled — even expressing more anger toward them. As more and more people openly embrace their single lives, maybe things will change. Happy singles will become part of our cultural landscape, and those who are threatened by them will recede to the fringes.

Bella DePaulo, Ph. Bella DePaulo Ph. Living Single. About the Author. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist.

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Back Get Help. Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting. View Help Index. Do I Need Help? Back Magazine. July Who Is the True You? Back Today. Essential Re.

Outgoing open minded lady of the Louisville wanted

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