Added: Shaindy Birdsell - Date: 17.09.2021 01:28 - Views: 10992 - Clicks: 4586
It sounds innocent. You get to wondering whatever happened to that special someone you dated in high school or collegeso you track her, or him, down online and send an e-mail. Your old flame is thrilled to hear from you. You chat online, talk on the phone, meet for coffee. And faster than you ever imagined, everything gets out of hand and someone's marriage is ruined. C'mon, we're not talking about people looking for an affair, just a cup of coffee with an old friend.
That may be the plan, but Kalish says that's not how it often works out. She's been charting hookups between lost loves sinceand says the Internet has changed how such stories unfold. Back in the s, it was rare for a married person to reach out to a first love.
Nowadays, about 8 in 10 people who contact a former lover are married, Kalish says, based upon the findings of her own Web site, Lostlovers. Of course, most of them don't intend to get into trouble when they log on, and not all of them do. Sound familiar? If so, you are not alone.
And Reunion. So it's never been easier to look up and hook up with an old crush. But if you're in a relationship, Kalish has three words for you.
Kalish has made "rekindled romances" her specialty. Take Amy Altschula year-old freelance editor who contacted an old flame after at least 30 years. The two exchanged e-mails, then phone calls. It was like an addiction or something. That's not uncommon, says Kalish. Old flames often rekindle, she theorizes, because a physical, chemical imprinting occurs when we meet our first love.
It typically happens when we are young and impressionable. Kalish says her research has shown that a vivid dream about an old flame is the most common trigger of the urge for a reunion. Her subjects often interpret such dreams as a that they should contact their first love, but Kalish says such dreams speak to the power of those memories. It seems safe. Very few people expected a romance.
But often, that's exactly what happened.
Old flames meet, they reconnect instantly and powerfully, and before long the situation has run away from them. Old flames rekindling is nothing new, of course.
But the typical story used to be of high school sweethearts, perhaps widowed or divorced, finding each other after decades apart. That was before the Internet. In those days, Kalish says, tracking down a lost love was hard work, requiring hours on the telephone calling old friends, friends of friends, relatives.
The digital revolution changed all that. What used to take days can be done in minutes, and anonymously. Between andKalish says, about 30 percent of those who reached out to an old flame were married. No wonder it can be tough finding people willing to discuss their experiences.
Kalish says visitors to her Web site often are willing to share their stories, just so long as they don't have to give their names -- even though, as a psychologist, Kalish is required not to disclose their identities.
We ran into the same problem. We queried 1, readers about the topic by e-mail. We received very few responses, which seemed odd until the confidential replies started trickling in, each asking "What if you are married? Not every contact le to a torrid, marriage-wrecking romance. But some do. And even if neither person is married, things may take an unexpected turn. After the initial euphoria of getting together with her former beau in August, Altschul began to have doubts about her old flame and distanced herself from him.
It happens a lot more often than you'd think.I am looking for some of my old flames
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an old flame