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In addition to the full-time job of keeping the relationship going, keeping the sex going can be like a second job. Is it the cleaning horse stalls all summer kind, or the fun lifeguard at the pool kind? The work of it may feel like an interminable slog or it may not feel like work at all. But there is still some kind of work if you have either mismatched libidos due to desire issues, or bad timing due to life issues.

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One person wants to do it more than the other person, so the person who wants to do it more has to ask for it and initiate it, and that gets old, and then people get really pissy with each other. And when things stall, someone has to initiate. The best sex is the enthusiastic fun kind that happens naturally without the pawing, because the indifferent boring kind is extremely awkward for both parties.

So you have to work at making sex fun and desirable, even though fun things are supposed to be easy and sex should sell itself. So how do you get your lady to want to fuck you? How do you ask someone for sex without ruining the very spontaneity and fun that sex demands?

How can you do it without opening yourself up to vulnerability and rejection? There are two ways to ask for sex: Directly and indirectly. Directly may seem easier, but it does require a certain kind of relationship.

In both instances, you must do it hotly, with hotness, to make it very hot. You make a move in a variety of ways depending on what works with your woman, but a few things go a long way: Compliments, attention, the general ability to talk, and expressing how much you need and want her.

Bonus points for telling her how much you want to get her off. Of course, you should make the move, too, and that move is entirely dependent on what your woman would respond to. This is pretty much what the experts say, too. Sex therapist Vanessa Marin writes at Lifehacker that some of the best moves that lead to enthusiastic sex involve creating a sense of desire and feeling wanted in the other person.

Reminding her how good she looks right now, or on some earlier, memorable date where you boned. Jokes, lighthearted playful humor, and generally a willingness to sexify your interactions are required. And they still have sex. Whenever they can. And they like it. And they both still masturbate on the side, thinking about the sex they have with each other! They Wives wants casual sex Slick about the sex, plan for the sex, get all dressed up and do dinner with a plan to role-play at home after, and then reference and reinforce the sex the next day by mentioning how hot it was to each other.

Yes, they schedule it, too. Marin said a couple she knows simply texts each other a question mark at some point during the day to indicate they wanted to fuck that night. Regardless, the one thing both these strategies have in common is the fact that they are really the same strategy. Asking for sex is really just expressing desire for another person in such a way that makes them feel completely wanted.

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Just do it with some charm. Tracy Moore is a staff writer at MEL. Formerly at Jezebel. But what if you do have to ask directly? More Stories from MEL.

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